Monday, June 28, 2010
Disconnected
Ok so have you ever had one of those days were you feel completely disconnected from everyone and everything. Where no matter what you do or what you say nothing gets better. Yeah well I have been having one of those weeks. I really don't know what is going on with me. I want to hang out with my friends and spend time with my family but I just can't bring myself to do it. Sometimes I feel like I could just disappear and everyone and everything would be much better. I don't know what to do. Nothing I try seems to help and the more I want to talk about it the more I just cant. Lord I wish whatever was wrong with me would just go away. I just want to be normal and have a healthy life. Including my health. I want to be a social person and I want to have a great relationship with my kids. And I want to feel like I am at least somewhat attractive despite what others say about me. I know my husband loves me for who and what I am but I don't. I hate not loving myself and I hate always wanting to be alone even though I don't want to be alone. I know that doesn't make since but in my head that's how I feel. I want to loose this weight because I feel like a skinny person trapped in this fat suit that I can't get out of no matter what I try. I work out. I eat right. I do everything I am suppose to and I'm not changing. Why God Why can't I just for once get something I really want and need. Why can't I just have it easy for just once. I'm not asking for forever just for a little. I understand we all have trials we must endure and you don't give us more than you think we can handle but I am drowning here. I feel like I have two ton weights tied to my feet and I can't come up for air. Please God Please just help me through this.
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you are not alone, my dear! you have great family and friends that love you and want the best for you. you are right, we all have our trials and will not be given more than we can handle. some days it feels like we are teetering on that line. having days, weeks, months like these help us appreciate the good times. it is all in His plan. just keep on keepin on and pray through it all! you can do it! you can, quon! as far as the eating and exercising, if you really feel you are doing all you can, try this....i would reccommend keeping a food journal for a whole week. write down EVERY SINGLE THING that goes in your mouth! what it boils down to is calories...how many you are consuming and how many you are burning. when i write it all down, i find that i am actually consuming more than i realize. and let's face the facts...burning a few hundred calories working out can be blown so easily by eating one stupid thing. :( hang in there! you can do this, girl! love you! (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeletegirl I know how you feel. I want to thank you for sharing that because that is so hard for me to explain sometimes. I am sorry you are having a hard time but its also comforting to me that some one is going through the same thing. Its like you wanna give up and say whats the point? But I have to tell you that you are so gorgeous! Satan puts those lil thoughts in our head...I'm not pretty like the skinny girls. But that is totally wrong! You are one sassy chick! I have found that I have to be happy with myself right now. Love yourself at any weight! I know its easier said than done and its always a constant struggle. But just know you have a friend here for you and I know exactly how you feel. Hang in there girl!
ReplyDeleteThank you girls for your incouraging words. It really helps to know I am not the only person going through this. Kristian if you ever want to talk please do. Laura I will try the food log maybe you are right. I might be taking in more calories than I think I am. We shall see. Thanks again girls. Much love and hugs
ReplyDeleteI agree with both of their comments. you are gorgeous. You have come such a long way. You have been a rock for me to stand on when i want to sink down and never come back. You always cheer me up when life is getting to me. I know that you are always there if I need something. Not many friends would come wash down nasty walls for a friend to be able to have her family together again I will never forget that and it meant the world to me. Satan is good at getting into our heads and making us feel that we are no good. Keep working girl! You can do it! Look at all the great people that you have by your side. We should get together and help my Mom clean out her scrap room and just have a great time. I am here to be your rock to stand on. You aren't alone. I know those feelings that you have said all too well. Keep your head up. and as Dory says "Just keep Swimming!" Big hugs for a great friend!
ReplyDeleteYou for sure are not alone about the way you feel. I think you would be surprised at how many of us girls feel the exact same way as you do. Just know that you really are beautiful, inside and out. You are a very special person. God loves you and made you who you are. He knew you and loved you even before you ever came to this place. Love ya!(((hugs))
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