The truth is stranger than fiction.

Given the recent Court Activities utmost in all our minds. Here is some actual recorded conversations in open court...Laugh on my friends...



IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.





ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?


WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'


ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?


WITNESS: My name is Susan!


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ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?


WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________


ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?


WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.


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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?


WITNESS: Are you shitting me?


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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?


WITNESS: Yes.


ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?


WITNESS: Getting laid


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ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?


WITNESS: Yes.


ATTORNEY: How many were boys?


WITNESS: None.


ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?


WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?


WITNESS: By death..


ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?


WITNESS: Take a guess.


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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?


WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard


ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?


WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.


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ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.


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ATTORNEY: Now Doctor, at what time that you examined the body?


WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM


ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?


WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.


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And last: (my personal favorite)





ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.


ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?


WITNESS: No.


ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?


WITNESS: No..


ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.


ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?


WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.


ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?


WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.